What was your journey to be the most authentic version of yourself like?
BEING A CHILD OF GOD.
That is the most honest answer I can give.
Knowing God. Hearing God. Obeying God.
It is becoming impossible not to hear God speak to me and unbearable not to obey His leading. He is good. I know it fully.
I cannot un-see the goodness of God in my life. I cannot un-hear His sweet, comforting voice. I cannot un-learn His truth for me!
It's too late!
I would be a liar if I said that God isn’t real, that He isn’t good, and that He doesn’t have a purpose for me!
The more I learned of His truth for me, the more I started to see one MAJOR FLAW in my life!
I’M NOT THE HERO.
For a good portion of my life, I thrived off of feeling "NEEDED." I built an entire network of relationships that needed me and that made me feel validated. Unfortunately, this level of co-dependency meant nurturing relationships that were broken, self-destructive, manipulative, and empty.
Even as the HERO, you think you feel empowered, responsible, and worthy, but what you really feel is exhaustion, lonely, and like your efforts will never be enough.
The goal with every healthy relationship is CONNECTION, not PERFECTION.
It took many moons, confronting chats, counselling sessions, talks from divine strangers, and whispers from God Himself to help me understand what kind of relationships I deserve to give and receive.
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS LOOK LIKE :
Constant exhaustion
Defending them with people who know and love you
Frequent fights
Silent Treatment
On and Off Vibes - You don't know which day will be a good or bad day
Feeling inadequate - A form of manipulation
Downplaying your brilliance
Needing to get yourself together before you see/meet them
Hearing or Saying “I’m Sorry” from guilt or manipulation
Feeling depleted after time together
Like you NEED them to survive - Co-dependency
Like they NEED you to survive - Co-dependency
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS LOOK LIKE :
Being 100% of yourself, 100% of the time
Out-give each other
You don’t need a pep talk to see them
You don’t overthink time with them
Feeling elated after spending time together
Misunderstandings don’t go further than a day
You want to see them WIN!
They want to see YOU win!
Hearing or Saying “I’m Sorry” for connection and unity
Affirming and strengthening your brilliance!
You feel confident
They look, sound, and feel like sunshine - good for the soul!
Other valuable people in your life confirm the same thing!
VALUING their place in your life but understanding they are SEASONAL
My friend, I understand what it is like to walk through loneliness from one season to another. Even when surrounded by a sea of people, the wrong people feel cold.
It doesn't have to be that way anymore.
If you register with too many of the points listed in the TOXIC category, it is time to pivot. Note down the people you KNOW you cannot carry into your next season. You can safely distance yourself or have a confronting chat. You might even find reconciliation.
Remember, connection over perfection.
With the loving leadership of God and a diligence in nurturing the right relationships, I have found myself in a steady rythm of peace, freedom, and confidence. They help me wanna be ME.
Thank you for reading, for listening, and for valuing your life enough to do the HeartWork.
Sincerely,
Alexia Rae.