THWP - Episode 4


What was your journey to be the most authentic version of yourself like?


That is the most honest answer I can give.

Knowing God. Hearing God. Obeying God.

It is becoming impossible not to hear God speak to me and unbearable not to obey His leading. He is good. I know it fully.

I cannot un-see the goodness of God in my life. I cannot un-hear His sweet, comforting voice. I cannot un-learn His truth for me!

It's too late!

I would be a liar if I said that God isn’t real, that He isn’t good, and that He doesn’t have a purpose for me!

The more I learned of His truth for me, the more I started to see one MAJOR FLAW in my life!


For a good portion of my life, I thrived off of feeling "NEEDED." I built an entire network of relationships that needed me and that made me feel validated. Unfortunately, this level of co-dependency meant nurturing relationships that were broken, self-destructive, manipulative, and empty.

Even as the HERO, you think you feel empowered, responsible, and worthy, but what you really feel is exhaustion, lonely, and like your efforts will never be enough.

The goal with every healthy relationship is CONNECTION, not PERFECTION.

It took many moons, confronting chats, counselling sessions, talks from divine strangers, and whispers from God Himself to help me understand what kind of relationships I deserve to give and receive.


  • Constant exhaustion

  • Defending them with people who know and love you

  • Frequent fights

  • Silent Treatment

  • On and Off Vibes - You don't know which day will be a good or bad day

  • Feeling inadequate - A form of manipulation

  • Downplaying your brilliance

  • Needing to get yourself together before you see/meet them

  • Hearing or Saying “I’m Sorry” from guilt or manipulation

  • Feeling depleted after time together

  • Like you NEED them to survive - Co-dependency

  • Like they NEED you to survive - Co-dependency


  • Being 100% of yourself, 100% of the time

  • Out-give each other

  • You don’t need a pep talk to see them

  • You don’t overthink time with them

  • Feeling elated after spending time together

  • Misunderstandings don’t go further than a day

  • You want to see them WIN!

  • They want to see YOU win!

  • Hearing or Saying “I’m Sorry” for connection and unity

  • Affirming and strengthening your brilliance!

  • You feel confident

  • They look, sound, and feel like sunshine - good for the soul!

  • Other valuable people in your life confirm the same thing!

  • VALUING their place in your life but understanding they are SEASONAL

My friend, I understand what it is like to walk through loneliness from one season to another. Even when surrounded by a sea of people, the wrong people feel cold.

It doesn't have to be that way anymore.

If you register with too many of the points listed in the TOXIC category, it is time to pivot. Note down the people you KNOW you cannot carry into your next season. You can safely distance yourself or have a confronting chat. You might even find reconciliation.

Remember, connection over perfection.

With the loving leadership of God and a diligence in nurturing the right relationships, I have found myself in a steady rythm of peace, freedom, and confidence. They help me wanna be ME.

Thank you for reading, for listening, and for valuing your life enough to do the HeartWork.


Alexia Rae.


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